Autism Awareness Month(s)

April was Autism Awareness Month, one of 12 Autism Awareness Months in our household. When you have a child with Autism, you don’t need a month set aside or a reminder to “Light It Up Blue,” we are reminded on a daily basis. In hilarious, heartbreaking, frustrating, and fantastic ways, we are “aware” of Autism.

Movie Night

Our son’s mind sees the world differently. Recently, we watched the movie Patriot Day, about the Boston Marathon bombing. Why this movie? Because our boy has decided to watch movies based on true events but the catch is, the event had to take place in a year ending with the same number as the current year. This started during the pandemic in 2020. So far the list has included The Battle of Britain (1940), Apollo 13 (1970), Tora, Tora, Tora (1941), The Perfect Storm 1991, Midway (1942), Crucible (Salem Witch Trials of 1692), and, well, you get the idea.

What Year Are We On?

His goal was to watch 10 each year and he scoured the internet in search of movies based on stories in the correct year. Sometimes the movies are theatrical releases and sometimes obscure documentaries that he finds on YouTube. The Matewan Mining Massacre of 1920 falls into that category. I admit I am amazed at his tenacity and sleuthing abilities.

New Criteria

And then in 2023 he added a new twist. Now, not only does the event need to have taken place in a year ending in three, we now have to watch the movie on the exact day it happened, which is why we had to watch Patriot Day on April 15th. Memphis Belle is on the schedule for May 17th.

Ryan is very literal, and rigid, and sees things in concrete terms. Subtlety is mostly lost on him. Once, when playing baseball, he got hit in the face with a ball. We gave him a Tylenol and told him it would help him feel better. He swallowed it, paused, and without missing a beat said, “Well, that did not work.”

The Little Search Engine That Could

He is a master of dates and people. When he is out and about he usually sees someone he knows, even if it’s someone he knew 15 years ago in 2nd grade. If ever there is a question about a family vacation, he is the one to settle it. He is the personal family Google for all trips, weddings, funerals, and other special events. “Hey Ryan, when were we at the lake with Grandma and Grandpa?”

“2012, it was during the London Olympics.” And so it was.

History Lesson

His need to categorize things is often baffling but when explained, makes perfect sense. Once he had all of the cars from the movie Cars 2 separated into two groups and one car on its own. Each car was from a specific country and I asked him why he had them grouped that way.

“Well, these cars are from the USA, Great Britain, Brazil, and France so they are the Allied Powers and these are from Germany, Italy, and Japan so they are the Axis powers.”

“Well, what about this one over here?”

“That one is from Spain, they were neutral.”

See? Makes perfect sense and proves he paid attention during World History.

He doesn’t like surprises and we often hear, “I was not expecting this!” We walk a fine line between telling him we are going somewhere ahead of time or springing it on him at the last minute. The former means he is mildly upset for several hours the latter VERY upset but for a shorter period of time.

He can do spot-on voice impersonations and the KFC Colonel is often heard saying, “It’s finger-lickin’ good” at the dinner table. Anytime he needs to write his name we get, “Where do I sign, where do I sign?” from Meet the Robinsons. For a while he was obsessed with the tv show Get Smart, and “Missed it by this much” was used at every opportunity.

Where’s Bella?

He is anxious and easily fixated on things. He loves the dog but hates the barking to the point where he refuses to be downstairs if he knows someone is coming over because she will bark. It doesn’t matter they aren’t coming over for three hours. We have trained him on how to get the barking dog to run outside (pretend you’re making toast) and also how to get her inside if she’s barking in the backyard (pretend you’re turning on the sprinklers).

Food is always an adventure. His favorite food is spaghetti and once I served him a big bowl of pasta only to have him refuse to eat it. “Ryan, what is wrong?” It took several minutes of prodding and tears before he exclaimed, “I don’t want the rectangle noodles!” It was then I realized I’d served him fettuccine and not spaghetti.

Geometry Lesson

He loves store-bought sugar cookies but only a certain kind. I could not see any difference between them leading to frustration and many containers of uneaten cookies. Getting information from Ryan can be tricky as you have to ask exactly the right questions. It’s like being an Autism Detective. Finally, I asked him to explain the difference between two frosted cookies, and why one over the other. “I like the ones with the cylindrical shaped sprinkles, not the circle-shaped sprinkles.” I had not even noticed the difference but there it was, perfectly logical and obvious to him. He probably wondered why I couldn’t figure it out.

Need The Details!

He is lonely and it breaks my heart. He wants a girlfriend, friends to hang out with, and to be part of a squad. “All of my friends are gone,” he laments because all the high school kids he knew have moved on to college or jobs or are busy immersed in living life. We do our best to find activities for him to engage, in and social opportunities. He is often stuck between what he wants, to go out, have friends, and what he is willing to do. He needs to know what is going to happen, what the movie is, what restaurant, how long he’ll be gone, etc. We try to convince him that, in order to hang out with friends, sometimes you need to have a flex brain.

Simple Victories

We are amazed at how far he has come in his 20 years, and how things that set him off years ago have been overcome. It is the small achievements that bring joy. The other day he put the leftover pizza into a container and into the fridge. No one told him to do it, in fact, we had never told him to do it, but he decided not to leave it out on the counter.

His love of airplanes has led him to a group of folks who are building a kit airplane. The group was discussing how far apart rivets needed to be spaced on a piece of metal and Ryan pulled out his phone/calculator, did the math, and told them exactly how far apart the rivets needed to be. Take that Resource Math class.

So, there is Autism for us. It’s been said if you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism. We are all uniquely “aware” of the autism in our lives. For us, it’s the house guest who showed up unexpectedly 20 years ago and never left. The one who makes us hope, worry, laugh, cry, and sometimes leaves dirty dishes in the living room or puts leftovers in the fridge. Every month is Autism Awareness Month.

Regina Stoops is an award winning storyteller, comedian, writer, producer, MS Warrior, and Autism Mom living with her wife and three kids in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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