I Miss My (Room) Mom

Ah, the room mom, the engine of ingenuity that keeps every elementary classroom humming along. The foot soldiers in the PTA army, the boots on the ground so to speak. Of course, teachers are integral to our children’s learning, but just try to make it through a year without the guidance from your room mom. And yes, technically it’s room parent, but let’s face it, this is one career where men have yet to break the whiteboard ceiling.

Take Charge!

The entry level room moms are easy to spot. They’re the ones who are trying to be democratic and involve every parent in the planning process. Emails and surveys about what the teacher’s gift should be or the craft for the holiday party. You are the room mom, just own it, seize the power, I trust you to decide on the color scheme for the Fun Run. I don’t want a democratic room mom, I want Kim Jong-un as my room mom.

You Don’t Need To Know

On the other hand, the seasoned career room moms have learned to run a tight ship by 5th grade. There is no discussion about the gift or pizza party, just a cryptic email with the directive to put $20 in the envelope in the office. I don’t care what it’s for, I trust them and if they’re skimming a bit off the top, well, it’s a small price to pay for having avoided their job for the past five years.

I’m Gonna Need A Flow Chart

Occasionally, being on a need to know basis can backfire. Not giving any input allows the room moms to get a wee bit out of hand, a phenomenon known as room mom mania. The frenzy peaks during Teacher Appreciation week when the race to out appreciate all the other classrooms kicks in. This is when the crafty room moms shine. They devise a confusing algorithm of appreciation, usually requiring a theme and gift for every day of the week. A muffin on Monday, a flower on Tuesday, a poem in the form of a haiku on Wednesday, an original oil painting on Thursday and a puppy on Friday. And teachers deserve to get 30 puppies, but let’s remember that nothing says thank you like a big bag of cash. The one being collected in the office, for example.

Into The Void

Of course, elementary school comes to an end and the room moms either hang up their email distribution list or transition to the Middle School PTA or Team Parent for their kid’s traveling baseball team. Middle school and High School do not have room moms. No more Fun Run, Fall Carnival, Valentines Party, Mother’s Day craft and no gauntlet of Teacher Appreciation. It’s as if my kid disappeared into the witness protection program black hole, I had no idea what they were doing.

Who Needs A Room Mom?

By the time high school came around, the room mom was a distant memory having been replaced by the “Parent Portal '' for information and of course, the precise and timely updates given to me by my teenagers. I managed to survive without missing too many deadlines and I was lulled into a false sense of security, of thinking that I was on top of it, I could manage this on my own. I was wrong.

Wait, What???

Enter Senior year and the onslaught of directives to which I have no defense and no room mom to bail me out. Senior photos, Senior Breakfast, Senior Picnic, Homecoming, Senior Ball, graduation night, graduation party, baccalaureate, yard signs…and that’s just the stuff I can remember.

Suddenly, after years of drifting along in the Middle School/High School haze of nothing much going on, I am faced with activities, and permission slips and timelines, 10 point steps to make a senior photo collage, and a request for my son’s kindergarten picture. I now regret skipping the room mom tutorial on how to organize my digital photos.

So Confused

No fewer than five emails a day with info about book return, grad night tickets, grad night covid protocol, dress codes, diploma distribution, yearbook pick up, etc. I had to make a binder to contain the myriad of instructions for attending the graduation ceremony. There are maps with arrows and circles, like a commencement version of Alice’s Restaurant.

Where Are You?

I have never missed my room mom as much as I do at this moment. I’ve been cast adrift to navigate the world on my own and I’m clearly not prepared. There is a good reason why I was never a room mom. Where are the moms who know all the answers, who send me information eight times using three different methods in the hope that I’ll finally return the field trip permission form?

Ah, There You Are

Just when I thought my kid would finish high school without that special graduation lei or a photo collage, I discovered the virtual gathering spot for all the room moms. They have dusted off their skillset and are disseminating the pertinent information via the Class of 2022 Facebook page. “What shoes are allowed for graduation?, Did I miss yard sign distribution?, Is Baccalaureate live streamed? When do the busses leave?” Frantic questions are posted and answers magically given.

From those of us who cannot keep up with the firehose of information coming our way, I say thank you. I love that I can ask questions (and I’ve asked a lot) and get answers with no judgment. At least no public judgment. Laugh at me all you want, just tell me (again) when that photo collage is due. And one more time, what size?

Thank You

The same moms who planned the holiday party crafts and confusing gift montage of Teacher Appreciation Week are with me still. Room moms never retire, they just find another way to keep the rest of us organized. I can only hope they will form a post high school Facebook page because I’ve got some pressing questions about my son’s college housing application.

Regina Stoops is an award winning storyteller, comedian, writer, producer, MS Warrior and Autism Mom living with her wife and three kids in the San Francisco Bay Area.

CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE TO HER NORMAL NOTES BLOG